Split Identity
by Andrea Weiling
Summary: Ken has to dress up as a girl, but Youji has taken him as a girl. After going out once, Ken finds himself falling for his roommate, but then something happens that might change their relationship forever, and threaten to reveal Ken's secret. Shonen-ai.
1. Default Chapter

Ch.1: Starlight  
  
Smoke curled out the window, hitting the freezing air and condensing into a thin   
line of gray, snaking its way up to the dark skies, a homage to whatever gods lived up   
there. He watched it flicker in and out, in and out, make loops, curlicues, squiggly lines,  
and wondered for a moment what street it reminded him of. Ah, he said to himself, it   
reminded him of the winding road near the suburbs of Tokyo. What was it called? Oh yes, it  
was called Sorata or something like that...  
The place where Ken was posted tonight, he thought with a hint of worry. He   
lazily lifted the cigarette to his mouth again, and breathed in softly, waited a few   
seconds, then rushed the smoke out of his mouth and sending it straight outside. The window  
was open, and the armchair he was sitting in was cold, but he didn't notice. He was just   
wrapped up in his thoughts, and nothing could actually disturb him right then. The eyes   
shifted to the window again, to the people below, and his heart gave an all-too-familiar   
twinge at the sight of a young couple, laughing into the clear air, their voices not going   
past the clouds of breath that floated in front of them. As he watched, the girl laid her   
head on the boy's shoulder, and there was more talk that he couldn't decipher. He turned   
painfully away from the sight, aware that his heart had just let out a little more of its   
pain again. His eyes swam as he looked down at the arm of the comfy chair beneath him.   
Green, he thought. Green brocade. Absentmindedly he ran his fingers over the rich   
fabric.  
  
He took another drag on the cigarette, taking his time, and blew it out the window   
again. His roommate would kill him if he found cigarette ash or traces of anything   
cigarette or smoking around the house, except for cigarette butts in the dish in the living   
room, but other than that, he was picky about it. Almost as picky as Omi in that aspect,   
he thought with a smile. Almost like Omi.  
  
Where was Ken?, he wondered. It was funny how thoughts could sometimes just run   
around in circles and finally end up back at the beginning. And there he was again, at the   
beginning of his thoughts again, just where he started before. It was uncanny, but   
gradually his thoughts slipped back into the past, the past when they were still together,   
the 4 of them, in WeiB. They had disbanded, their own lives occupied by themselves and   
their shattered dreams of normality, trying to piece together their lives with their bare   
hands, and that was something that every one of them had to do alone. There was nothing   
they could do to help each other in this aspect. Still, the past lingered, and they met   
often, despite their own inner struggles not to see each other again. They had their own   
dreams to pursue, and they did what they could, and that was the end of that. No ifie-ness,   
no "can I stay with you and be your roommate?" things, they were going their separate ways.   
  
It hurt them all, but they had to do it. It was for the best. No one should   
suspect.  
  
Down his mental list of names of the past, the first one that surfaced was always   
the youngest one. Omi, of course, even before Nagi, who was an enemy-become-ally, but they   
weren't fighting anymore. Their little treaty had been passed onto Schwartz, and all of   
them accepted the terms, albeit reluctantly and warily. Omi had gone to a nice private   
school for the rest of his high school and college years, making everyone puzzled about his   
decision. His only reply was "I want to check it out, and their education level is much   
higher, so I want to see if it really is". It was an English school in the middle of Tokyo,  
which didn't really make sense to him, but he took the facts without complaint, and let his  
mind wander over the facts again. He would never know why Omi chose an obedience school,   
some school that was on the other side of town called "St. Joseph's Boys' Institute of   
Obedience". He posted an occasional letter or e-mail in that direction, and though he   
sometimes didn't get answers, he was confident that Omi got it, just didn't have time. But   
just for the heck of it and to relieve boredom once in a while, he always called after a   
week or so. The sandy-haired youth was always busy it seemed, and the phone calls were   
always short and hurried, but he could tell in his voice that he was exhausted but happy,   
and he had the reassurance that at least one of them had gotten something out of their   
lives, and was exactly where he wanted to be.  
  
Ken, needless to say, was back in the J-League. The court had unearthed (from Mr.   
Guess Who) evidence that Ken was not the guilty one, and another trial was taken into   
consideration. The court ruled in his favor, and Ken was graciously accepted back into the   
J-League. All jury had frowned when the facts stated that Kase was dead, presumably caught   
in his own web of games and drug dealing. Ken, as well as every other WeiB member, knew   
that was not true, but for the sake of Ken's future, they said nothing. He was the only one   
attended the trial with Ken at all, but he could tell it was a relief that he was there,   
because after the trial Ken threw himself into his arms and cried his heart out with   
happiness. The day after, he wrote letters to everyone he knew, enemy or ally, friend or   
foe, and poured his heart out with happiness in each one, stating how happy he was. Even   
Omi got caught up in the spirit and wrote a short but very touching letter about how happy   
he was for Ken, and Ken almost squealed with joy when Youji threw a party for him. No one   
really arrived except for them 2, but they didn't care, and for once he saw Ken truly happy,  
no regrets, no anything. After that, Ken seemed always to be busy; when he wasn't playing   
soccer, he was out on a mission. He was the only one that actually still took the missions,  
other than him. Missions were very infrequent, and some even called for them teaming up t  
ogether, but they didn't mind the company, and Manx and Birman had purposefully done so   
(even he knew) that it would give them a good chance to see each other and catch up on the   
news. He was living with Ken only for a short time, him on the couch and Ken in his bed.   
It was until the mover actually moved out the apartment he ordered, and he could start   
putting his furniture in, which was just collecting dust in the corner of Ken's apartment.   
All the luggage had already been transported there via himself and his car, and Ken had been  
too happy to let him stay. It was almost like old times, he smiled a little. But there   
was only 2 of them, now. Ken had a mission that night, but as much as he couldn't quench   
the little voice in his head that told him to go after him, he stayed in his vantage point   
over the street, and smoked his cigarette. The mission, as Ken promised, would not go   
farther than 10 PM, but it was 12, now. The Chinese takeout lay forgotten and cold on the   
table as he just watched the window and the view outside.  
  
And Aya?, a small part of his mind asked. A faint surge of anger surfaced, but   
melded into a throbbing of sorrow instead. Aya had left. Left for good. After Manx come   
and told them to disband and get on with their individual lives, he had just left. They   
woke up that morning to find Aya gone, and there was nothing they could do about it. There   
were absolutely no wherebouts that he might be at; he never left an address for where   
Aya-chan, his sister might be, never left a backup place to find him. But it was not a   
rather of not having the ability to find him; Omi could easily track him down, as much as   
Aya/Ran covered up his tracks. It was a matter that Aya/Ran did not wish to be found. And   
they respected that, with a tinge of sadness and anger along with the fact that they would   
not go after him. Aya would not leave for no reason at all. After the first day, it seemed  
as if the whole thing were a dream, an illusion that could shatter any given moment, as   
long as a person put enough pressure on the glass. They had closed the Koneko No Sume Ie by  
themselves, for the first time in months, and it left a heavy gap in their hearts. People,  
mainly Sakura, asked where he had gone. They answered that he had gone first, since they   
weren't going to be the owners of the flower shop anymore. All the customers were   
downhearted at the news, but then a strange proclamation had arrived in the mail: it seemed   
that Schuldich had volunteered to take over the shop. As it came, they took the offer. So,  
they had given the whole thing to their former enemy, not really thinking, but they didn't   
care for the moment, and Schwartz had taken over the shop. They all gave advice and told   
them how to run it halfheartedly, then they just disbanded with final dreary goodbyes and   
promises to keep in touch. Aya/Ran wasn't there.  
  
Who would've thought a telepath like him would be taking care of our own shop   
now?, he thought with a measure of puzzlement. The carrot-top certainly did take care of   
the shop, and did more than his share of work. There was practically an unsaid agreement of  
days that they planned to work with him; once in a while, everyone just came and hung   
around, asking questions on different flowers and just generally working together. In those  
moments, old fears and quirks were laid to rest, just for a moment, as their masks slipped   
off and they found themselves joking and laughing at each others' antics. But it seemed   
that customers still preferred their old flower shop operators, for when any one of the WeiB  
members was present, the shop would fill, and business would be exceptionally good that   
day. Schuldich wasn't totally unlike the assassin they had known before, but now he seemed   
to have a certain type of class, an elegance that just showed out now, and he was, at the   
very least, nicer to say, and more reformed and conservative. Crawford, albeit his busy   
schedule, took it upon himself to manage the budget for the shop. It was an uneasy truce,   
but all Wei? and Schwartz members worked to make it work; they didn't want a repeat   
performance of the past. Advice and suggestions were swapped, and a good amount of comrade-  
like air hung over the shop when they were around. There were just no more hard feelings,   
he guessed. It was just time. Time changed everything.  
  
But Aya...Aya/Ran had disappeared from the face of the Earth, it seemed. For once   
in his life, young Omi, as he could tell, regretted deleting all files on Aya/Ran Fujimiya.   
He had left the briefest of notes in his room, and he himself had read it to the other 2   
that night, fingered it, cried, prayed, hoped over it until now the words were smeared to   
the point of almost being unreadable. The paper was still in his pocket, and now he took it  
out, a piece of crinkled, crushed paper, and smoothed it out. His eyes roamed over the   
familiar paper, and his mouth moved silently as he read the words to himself.  
  
Minna,  
  
I have left because of a reason. I do not know where I will go, how I will   
survive, what I will do for a living. All I know that I believe it is necessary for me to   
leave now. I am sorry for leaving so abruptly. If you manage to hear anything about my   
death, for any reason, please take care of the real Aya, Aya -chan, for me. Youji knows   
where she lives.   
  
Get along with Schwartz. It's time we actually stopped fighting.  
  
Aya  
a.k.a  
Ran Fujimiya  
  
He closed his hand over the letter, as he had done so, so many times. His eyes closed, and   
he leaned back, taking a drag on his cigarette.  
  
And of me?, he asked himself. I was once a member of Wei? as well. He was back   
to his first job, as a private investigator. It had brought him a fresh wave of guilt, but   
he endured it, and now he was back in his own office, with a salary that contributed to   
everyone. He paid the better half of Omi's schooling (anonymously, so no one suspected),   
and also for any soccer equipment of Ken's that seemed too old or shabby. True to the   
promise on Aya's letter, he sent some money to Aya-chan as well. His eyes teared with the   
the feeling again, the feeling of a broken defense about to shatter, but quickly bringing   
reinforcements. He had more things to do than to ponder about a lost love. He and Aya...  
that time had been heaven to him. They had never actually BEEN together, but scant kisses   
and hugs had been enough for him to expect. He had at least made Aya/Ran happy for a little  
while.  
  
Well, he thought, he had SEEMED to be happy. There's no telling what he's   
thinking.  
  
But that's not the current problem, he reminded himself. Worry about your   
roommate first.  
  
Ken can take care of himself, he thought with a neutral expression. He's been   
through more frightening stuff than this mission.  
  
So why am I so worried? Why hasn't he come back yet?  
  
* * *  
  
He opened the door to his apartment complex with a disgruntled push and tug. The   
5th floor that staged his apartment seemed so far away, but he knew that in the state he was  
in, he couldn't climb up the stairs. He walked towards the elevator, and groaned out loud   
to no one in particular who was there. On the elevator button pad there was a sign in   
simple Japanese that even beginners could decipher: "Out of Order". For a moment, he just   
looked down and assessed his state. He remembered when he had been met up by both Manx and   
Birman when Youji was still out. Recalling the smirks on their faces as they said that the   
mission called for a "small adjustment", he felt the dread creep up on him, and they were   
confirmed as he was strapped down and dressed in a tank top (with a fake bra), tight-fitting  
pants that clung to his form, and stilettos. But the worst part of all was the long, brown  
wig that he had to wear. It was hindersome, hard to toss over his shoulder, since it was   
so long. Manx and Birman had convinced him that it looked good, and it would improve the   
image of a frivolous young girl. But as he looked up in desperation at the stairs, he   
grudgingly began to climb.   
  
Halfway up on the 3rd floor, his foot was in midair, about to step up another flight  
when a hand snaked out and grabbed his wrist. He was reeled in, by a strong grip, and   
partly also because he couldn't struggle in high heels. He tried to twist away, but then it  
began to hurt, so he stopped, and just let the man take him. The only thing he was   
concerned about was if the man was an assassin sent out to kill him or just a regular thug.   
He didn't want to kill an innocent bystander, but as his anger grew, he could just barely   
keep it from exploding his top. But once he saw the thug's face hidden in the shadows, his   
anger turned to sympathy.  
  
Gosh, that guy's ugly. No wonder he has to snag someone like me, he snickered a   
little at the thought, but all was interrupted by an all-too-familiar voice.  
  
"Excuse me, mister, but I do believe that's my girl you're holding."  
  
The thug just stared in amazement, or surprise, or something else, Ken   
didn't know, but for once Youji's playboy attitude had come in handy, and he was glad he had  
decided to let Youji stay for a little while. But this proved almost too much for Ken to   
handle as his temper flared at the blonde's next words.  
  
"Come along Keiko, don't let the misfortunes of this world scare you", he prodded   
the fat fingers away from his wrist, and led him up the stairs. Ken didn't struggle, but he  
almost pitied the poor thug as he looked beseechingly at Youji, tugging him away. They   
came upon their familiar door, and Youji opened it; it was unlocked. As Ken saw, his face   
held a little smile, just meant for him, and inwardly he flushed with pleasure. He led him   
to the couch, still concealed, and Ken almost jumped up and yelled "Hey! It's me!", but for  
a moment he stopped and thought. Youji never took up a woman for that long anyways, so it   
wouldn't matter if he just teased Youji this once and let him know afterwards and watch him   
blush in embarrassment. The older man needed some cheering up, it seemed today. He seemed   
to need cheering up everyday, now. The investigator business took the breath out of his old   
partner. He always seemed tired, but he never was tired of Ken, and he knew that Youji was   
just worn out. But he always had energy to do a little more for Ken, a little more for all   
of them: the occasional visit to the Koneko No Sume Ie, going with him to supervise and help  
the children with soccer, just generally helping him out. Perhaps there was some actual   
GOOD in Youji being a roommate, not just girls coming home and making out on the couch.  
  
But there was some background to that. All 4 of them, that is, all 4 of the WeiB   
members, had known about Youji and Aya/Ran. It hadn't been a very big surprise, considering  
the way they had been acting that morning. The next morning they had come down together,   
Youji unmercifully teasing Aya, and Aya adding a few notes to the music, enough to make   
Youji blush in shame. Then it came, over breakfast. Youji and Aya had finally gotten their  
act together from last night, and they had admitted their love for each other, in front of   
the other 2 youngers. Both were supportive, but inside they were thinking. Did they have   
to treat Youji and Aya any different, now that they were together?  
  
As Ken waited for Youji to make the first move, he watched as Youji tidied up   
everything. It seemed a long while before Youji sat down in front of Ken, and for a moment,  
no one spoke. Ken was startled as he looked in the green eyes behind the glasses, filled   
with a love that he couldn't give back. He was sure it showed in his eyes, so why was Youji  
still staring at him like that? It was a question he could answer, and at the same time,   
couldn't answer. Did Youji know, or didn't he? It had too seem obvious now, right? But as   
he looked at Youji, and Youji looked at him, he could feel a feeling rise up to cloud his   
senses, bringing a red sheen to his cheeks, and he realized he was blushing and looked down.   
Youji seemed satisfied with finally getting a reaction out of him, or her, and leaned back   
into the couch. "So, after that little incident, what's you name?"  
  
Ken couldn't find the words to speak, as the picture of Youji's eyes rose up in his   
memory. "I..."  
  
The older took this as shyness, and stood up, making Ken look up briefly up   
into his face, then glance down again, face burning. But when he looked up again, when   
Youji didn't leave, the blonde's eyes were sparkling in a way Ken hadn't seen before, and it  
made him feel warm and fuzzy inside, somehow. He couldn't explain it, but when Youji's   
face pulled into a genuine smile, he couldn't help but smile a little in return and blush.   
He was suddenly stricken with a feeling he couldn't explain, and he couldn't deny it to   
himself, as much as he could, and he faced downward again, elicting a slight chuckle from   
Youji.   
  
"I'll get you something to drink, then. What would you like?"  
  
Ken answered without looking up. "Um..."Ken realized that his voice was still being  
tuned by the choker on his neck, making it sound like a girl's. It changed his voice   
drastically into a medium-pitched husky tone; he had told Manx and Birman that he wanted   
something NOT high-pitched and annoying. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to tear if   
off, nor keep himself from giving little glances at Youji. As much as he wanted to, he   
couldn't jump up and shout "Hey! It's me, Ken!"  
  
"Water, please", was what he said instead. At this, finally succeeding in making   
him talk, Youji smiled, and walked into the kitchen. Ken breathed out breath he hadn't   
known he had been holding, and looked around. It seemed that Youji had been looking through  
some research about whatever project he was researching now. There was a box of presumably  
cold takeout on the table, but then Youji came back in, and Ken averted his eyes. The   
oldest former member of Wei? set the cup of water in front of him, and then sipped his own   
coffee. Ken almost smiled at this, but caught himself. Almost like old times, he thought   
with a smile. Youji used to drink coffee wherever he went, and here he is again, drinking   
coffee. It's like nothing changed.  
  
But something has changed, came the answer. Now you feel strangely about him,   
and that has changed. Also, there is the fact that you are in GIRL'S clothes. That is a   
change too.  
  
"So, what's your name?"  
  
"Ta...Tamiko. Tachibana Tamiko", Ken stuttered, using the false name Manx had given   
him. Youji gave him another smile, a smile that would make any girl melt, but Ken wasn't a   
girl. Still, he found himself smiling shyly back. Youji smiled even wider, and Ken had to   
tear his eyes from that alluring gaze to look at his feet instead. The elder seemed to   
think this was funny, and gave a slight chuckle and a twinkle appeared in his eyes, but Ken   
didn't see this, he was too mesmerized by his shoes. Then a hand appeared in Ken's line of   
vision, and he followed it up to meet green again. "The name's Youji. Kudou Youji." A   
little startled at the intrusion, Ken took it softly, like a girl would, and just grasped it  
for a moment. He squeezed just a little tighter for a moment, and then took his hand back,  
a little too quickly, but he quickly looked back at his shoes.   
  
"Come", Youji reached out his hand. "Why don't you stay here for the night? Don't   
want that thug coming back to haunt you."  
  
Ken began to stutter at this, protests falling from his mouth like rain, but with a   
deft movement, Youji raised a finger to his lips, touching them slightly, and Ken shut up.   
A shiver made its way up his spine at the touch, but he couldn't tear his eyes from the   
older's, and when Youji led him to Ken's own room, and opened it, he didn't struggle, just   
stood in front of it like it was the strangest thing there was.  
  
"Well? Is it alright? It's actually my roommate's", a little frown crossed Youji's  
features for a moment, then it was gone, replaced by the smile he usually held. "I hope he  
doesn't get mad. But I know he will, but that's alright. I'll do anything", he winked at   
Ken, who blushed, "ANYTHING to get this pretty young lady here to nice beddie-bye." When   
met by Ken's alarmed gaze, he added quickly, "I promise I won't try anything. I'll be   
sleeping on the couch, don't worry."   
  
After Youji had closed the door, Ken ran and buried his head in his pillow. As he   
did, thoughts whirled and chased each other around and around in his head until he was left   
with circles, but as he found something, his cheeks turned a flaming red as he pressed his   
hands to his cheeks. It was all Youji's fault, he thought. All Youji's fault, all his   
flirting, stupid habits, all of his stupid girls, and all the stupid things to make me do!  
  
But, he thought as a larger picture came into view, that's not the main point.   
  
The main point is: what am I going to do now?  
  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \   
  
Author's note:  
  
If you're like me, you'll notice this is much like another fic on   
http://www.fanfiction.net. But the ending there hasn't been revealed, and I hope to have   
this one up and running. If some of you are wondering what happened to "Letters", the story  
I wrote about Nagi going to an obedience school and meeting a seriously wrecked Omi there   
and beating up whoever tries to make a move on Omi, well, it's finished. Just type in my   
name in the little search button on the top, and press the little looking glass, then you'll  
find it under my works. Sorry, it has spanned 7 chapters, much more than the original 3   
chapters I predicted.   
  
This fic is also part of that timeline, the timeline that includes both "Let's Call   
It A Day" and "Letters". Please enjoy. I am very busy these days, so I apologize for not   
having this up earlier. This chapter was too long. Well, whatever. I'm going to sleep   
after this.  
  
Andrea Weiling  



	2. First Date

Ch.2: First Date  
  
Only one thing crossed his mind, repeating itself over and over in his mind until he  
couldn't stand it: why was he there? Why was he there anyways, standing in front of a   
tiny little café, dressed back in whatever clothes Manx had given him, and feeling   
incredibly guilty? For the first time in a long, long time, butterflies fluttered around in  
circles. He hadn't felt the feeling in so long...it was still when the 4 members of WeiB   
were still together. He had been dating Yuriko back then, but Fate had tugged its strings   
and he had ended up here, in front of a little café at 8:00 for a date. Dressed in girl's   
clothes. Nervous, jumpy. It seemed he and Yuriko had switched; he was now a girl.   
  
He had tried. Really, he did. He had tried to make Youji forget about him, or her,  
whatever Youji thought he was. But he had failed miserably. After all, persuasion was   
never his forte. And Youji's forte was women. That was him. At least, he was trying to   
act like one. A little more rationed though. At least he didn't faun over him. But all had  
failed, and he had gone to the limits of his patience to make Manx stop chuckling and hand   
over some clothes. He obviously couldn't get the clothes anywhere else.   
  
He pushed open the door, and it seemed, for a moment, that the warm air that blew   
through the vent above the door blew away all his worries as well. He would play the part   
alright. It wasn't the end of the world yet. And even if Youji did find out, it still   
wasn't the end of the world even then. But this couldn't go on forever. Lies, all lies,   
they were. He had told Youji (as a boy) that he would be out of town and touring with the   
soccer team. It was partly true, and he would be staying out of town, but only for a day.   
This proved to be a good excuse. Ken told his friend that it was for 2 weeks, due to the   
fact that he just wanted to 'get away from it all' and visit some people; fool around for a   
bit.  
  
Youji had suspected nothing. If the blonde did, he didn't show it.  
  
He was already there when he got there. A table near the back, his back turned.   
His head turned as he entered, still clad in his girly clothes, and the waitress immediately  
knew where to take him. She showed him (or her, whichever you prefer) to the other seat,   
but even before Ken could say a word, Youji turned to the waitress girl and began to flirt.   
The waitress girl, obviously noting that there was nothing wrong with Youji teasing her,   
took the bait and began to talk with him. Ken turned a deep red, but then realized that he   
would have to stand it. It was just the way it was. Perhaps Youji was even testing him, to  
see if he reacted. Perhaps he already knew it was Ken. But one way or the other, Ken was   
angry, now. Youji had invited a girl (him) on a date, and now he was there, flirting with   
the waitress. But he held his temper, only once glancing behind him to find a path to the   
door, then turned back, face calm and unembarrassed. After the waitress left, he smiled   
that stupidly shy way he did the first time, his head ducked down in an attempt to hide   
bitter tears, and murmured something about the restroom. He took his wallet, everything,   
the coat, the purse, and walked as dignified as he could to the bathroom, making sure that   
it was the one labeled "Girls" not "Boys". He flung open the door with a vengeance, but his  
anger faded once he entered and met cold white walls. Not minding if someone came in, he   
slunk against the wall, his palms pressed against the cool surface, and sat there, just for   
a moment. He could almost see Youji, still trying to wait for him, or for the waitress. He  
couldn't tell, but it was probably the latter. He buried his head into his hands, but   
didn't cry. The tears wouldn't come.  
  
He got up. He had to get out of there, and fast. He couldn't stand looking at   
Youji another time, or he would break down. Him, a guy dressed as a girl, would break down.  
But this wasn't the time for it. He would break down in his room, back at home. He hated  
leaving his friend like this, but he realized that this would solve everything, and he   
wouldn't have to tell Youji anything. Tachibana Tamiko would just be a memory. All the   
better.  
  
He opened the door with resolve, his hands almost white against the steely metal,   
and he calmed his face into a neutral expression. Vaguely, he thanked Wei? for teaching   
him that; masks were there for you to wear, and even though it took a great effort to make   
sure it didn't slip off, he was more than glad to make sure it didn't come off this time.   
  
He had to get out of the restaurant.  
  
The door open, he stalked out, putting the wallet in his pocket with one swift   
movement, shoes on the carpet, thumping with every step. He couldn't bring himself to look   
at the table on the right, not at him, not at him. But his vision blurred a little, and   
quickly he ducked his head down, pretending to be submissive to whatever came his way, and   
walked the path to the front door. As he did, he felt his steps get heavier and heavier, it   
was so hard to just walk away...but he walked just as fast as he could, and stopped only   
when he reached the proximity of the door. He raised a shaking white hand to the gilded   
golden doorknob as another hand closed on his left wrist.  
  
He turned, and gasped when the blonde was there, face unreadable, but green eyes a   
little hurt and a lot apologic. In a very futile attempt, he tried to turn away, but a hand  
lowered onto his shoulder, and he couldn't move. Paralyzed in time, until softly a tear   
made its way down his cheek, splashing on the carpet. He froze as Youji's eyes grew even   
more saddened, and for a moment, he almost could convince himself that Youji really did love  
him, really did respect a woman for what she was worth...  
  
And it came true as Youji held him still and leaned down.  
  
Chaste, quick. Nothing overly romantic, nothing flashy, no French-kiss, no tango   
position. It was just a reminder, a note that Youji was still there, and Ken would have to   
go through him before he let go. Unbidden, he threw himself into Youji's arms and sobbed,   
silently. The oldest member of WeiB was silent, for once, just stroked the brown wig that   
mopped on Ken's head. Then he slowly led his date, presumably Tachibana Tamiko, back to the  
table, back to reality, and back to love.  
  
* * *  
  
His hands shook as he shook the card out of the envelope and slid it through the   
slot. The hotel door clicked open, and he pushed it open further into the room he had   
rented for the 2 weeks. After the door closed, he took off the stilettos and threw himself   
on the bed. Slowly his mind began to calm down from the dizzy, whirling sensation in his   
mind. He turned himself over, looking at the blank ceiling, totally exhausted. A smile   
stole across his face as he touched his lips and blushed, a final thought entering his head   
before he dropped off to sleep.  
  
Gosh, Youji's a good kisser.  
  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \   
  
Author's note:  
  
The other day I found the fanfic I stole this idea from. It's by Mystikal Essence,   
and it's called "Seizing the Moment". It's a bit too comedic for me, but it has good plot   
and good potential to become a good story with some describing. Just consider it rewritten   
with a different ending and a different style of writing. I usually don't write really   
gaudy-sounding stuff. The serious stuff is more of my type.  
  
This was put together in a flash. Next one will have bit more action. Sorry this   
one is so short; I just had nothing to write on, and I just wanted to breeze over this one   
so I could get onto the next chapter. But this was almost copying the other fic, but the   
next chapter will have nothing to do with it. It has roots back in "Let's Call It A Day",   
so you might try reading that one first.  
  
Andrea Weiling  



	3. Realizations

Ch. 3: Realizations  
  
It happened so fast that he couldn't explain it himself. It was like last year was   
yesterday, when he was still happy and carefree and didn't worry about his feelings. They   
didn't really show, but he let them out, once in a while. Now, he had to self-control   
himself. It was hard, now. Youji had moved out, but they had remained close; Youji's   
apartment was in his complex. It was hard not to miss him when he was passing his apartment  
downstairs, or upstairs. In fact, it was impossible at all to do anything without Youji   
noticing. It was almost like they were still living in the Koneko No Sume Ie. They were   
still close friends, but Ken was exasperated in the way Youji seemed to tag wherever he was   
going to go. It took a lot of pleading and persuasion to get the blonde out of his   
business, but Youji usually took the hint and left matters alone when they needed to be   
dropped. It had been more than half a year...and Youji still hadn't dropped Tamiko yet.   
They were still going out, as far as the blonde was concerned, but Ken was starting to get   
anxious. It was not a matter of if he was in love with Youji or not; it was a matter if he   
could keep this masquerade up for any more time without Youji finding out, and hurting him   
more than it would than if they had just been going out for only a week. He didn't want to   
hurt his former WeiB comrade more than he had to.   
  
Just a year ago, he mused. Just a year ago, I was happy and free and full of   
life, without a care in the world. And now I'm desperately in love with a guy I used to   
work with, a guy who I treat as a friend outwardly, but I know that our relationship has   
changed, now that my outlook on him has changed as well. It's ironic...how he got me, hook,  
line, and sinker. He really is a playboy.  
  
No, this love was different. When he was in Yuriko, thinking he was in love, it had  
been playful, almost happy, not really serious. This was different; Youji meant what he   
said. He was teasing, but he was committed to the girl he was with. And as long as he or   
the girl didn't give him a reason to dump him/dump her, he kept the girl. The blonde teased  
both Ken and Tamiko when had the chance, but Youji was never really teasing. He meant   
words, but Ken found he had to read the lines to find out what they really meant.   
Confusing, but Youji really did love Tamiko. He himself had never seen Youji stick with one  
person for that long, but it had been more than a year, a very fast-paced soccer-filled   
world the world of Hidaka Ken, and the slow, relaxing, quietly comforting world he knew as   
Tachibana Tamiko. It was a mind-portal that whirled and revolved as Tamiko, whose core was   
her love, Kudou Youji. And now, he assured himself with a sinking feeling in his stomach,   
he had fallen for Youji, but he faced the facts as well: it was doomed relationship from the  
start.  
  
It had gone too far. Youji never, never pushed Tamiko for anything, and perhaps he   
had even sensed that this relationship was only for a little while, that this girl he had   
been going out with for over a year was hiding something, but he didn't push it. He never   
did. But he would have to tell the blonde soon, somehow, some lame way or the other, and   
when he did, he knew he would regret it. A person inside of him would die, the shy,   
submissive Tachibana Tamiko, the soft side of him he showed at night when he wasn't working.  
It was the side of him that he didn't show, at least not when he was the handsome goalie   
on the field, concentrating on the black-and-white soccer ball that tried to make its way   
past him and bounce off the net behind. He and Tamiko were 2 separate entities in one body,  
one a girl, one a boy. But somehow, they existed together, the creation of the same mind,   
in the same body. But Tamiko would soon be dead, gone...there was nothing to be done about   
it. Everyday, he told himself to walk up and tell Youji, but he was always afraid, always   
afraid that he might lose Youji's long-lasting friendship and Youji's love, all in a few   
words.   
  
But it was not to be, as Ken would find out as they strode briskly towards their old  
flower shop, Kitten in the House. He walked a few steps behind, not able to keep up with   
the long, lanky figure of his blonde former comrade-in-arms. The door was swung open in his  
face, causing him to take a step back, but as he frowned in the lack of manners, he   
realized the door was still being held open by a concerned-looking Youji. He walked in, and  
looked at the counter, where Nagi was sitting, half-floating, half-sitting perched on the   
counter where Omi used to be. He smiled, if a little wistfully, almost expecting to see the  
youngest member of WeiB bounce out of nowhere and ask how their day was. He cast his   
glance behind the Japanese boy and saw, with unspoken disbelief, the almost hidden figure of  
Brad Crawford, clad in an apron and pruning a potted plant. Nagi caught his eye for a   
moment, and a smile uplifted the corners of the younger boy's mouth, just for a moment,   
before setting back into their usual sober expression. A glance to the back saw Schuldich,   
bombarded by girls and trying to get a pot off the shelf without falling down and smashing   
the pot. He snickered as Youji glided towards the gaggle of girls, and watched as they   
crowded towards the older man, now. Schuldich caught the blonde's eye, and grinned an "I-  
owe-you-one" look, and took the pot safely off the shelf. He finally got it to Nagi, who   
recognized and detached the girl who bought it in the first place out of the crowd around   
Youji, and practically threw her out the door. Ken chuckled at this, remembering that they   
had done the same thing, once. He looked past Youji and the enormous throng of girls, past   
the table on the left, and froze as his eyes locked on a familiar-looking character near the  
door.  
  
No, he could hear Tamiko sigh in defeat. No...  
  
A red mop of hair with 2 eartails hanging down, a long earring on the left ear,   
white complexion that reminded him of porcelain...it was unmistakably Ran. Or Aya. It   
didn't matter now, whether he told Youji or not. He didn't need to be reminded of the fact   
that Youji and Aya/Ran...they had been together for that time, barely a year, but he hadn't   
been in love with Youji then. He had almost envied them, having an anchor that they were   
secure to, something that they could hang onto. But it had all ended when Ran had left,   
just when Manx had told them to disband. Somehow, he had gotten the news earlier. That   
day, they had opened the Koneko alone, just like before Ran had joined WeiB, and they were   
doing it again. Of course, Ran's absence was marked by many of the customers that came into  
the shop, but we broke the news to the customers. There would be no more Koneko No Sume   
Ie. This news did not bother them as much as the fact that Ran had left. They waited,   
waiting, waited even when Schwartz had come and started running the shop, but he never came.  
Ken knew that even though Youji was dating him as Tamiko, he was still waiting, waiting   
for Ran. And it hurt him, now that Ran had come back. Now Youji could never fully be his,   
since Ran was back. Youji would not have forgotten their relationship. It was all over   
now, no need to explain, no need to say anything now. At the thought, the color drained   
from his face, and he could see that Youji had seen Ran as well, a strangely calm but   
stricken look on his face.   
  
As if in a dream, he absentmindedly excused himself from the rest of the girls (that  
immediately crowded around Schuldich again), and walked over to Ken. The soccer player   
looked up at the blazing tumult of emotions that hid behind the green eyes, and he almost   
felt that he needed to do something. But he didn't, for then he saw hope in Youji's eyes,   
and dared not make a move. He couldn't let Youji suspect, not now. He was sure, absolutely  
sure, that that day was the day he would tell Youji. But the timing was wrong. He   
couldn't tell Youji now; the older man was in a state of emotional pain. He could only look  
from a distance.  
  
The whole day they were there, the 2 avoided each other like the plague. Not even   
when Nagi broke a pot and Schuldich stomped on the flowers and Youji and Crawford staged a   
debate did they even murmur a greeting. They avoided all eye contact and didn't speak at   
each other at all. It was as if they had turned invisible to each other, Ran and Youji.   
Close speculation showed that Ran was more open, more open armed, more inviting. He even   
chuckled when the debate was over, but it didn't last. The smile didn't last, nor did the   
smile that uplifted Youji's face and Ken's spirits last. Nothing did. But just as he was   
wondering if the redhead and Youji's love lasted, the answer was about to come.  
  
Ran looked up, met Youji's eyes briefly, then swiftly took off the apron, put down   
the shears, and walked to the back room. After a moment, Ken watched as Youji followed in a  
trance-like state. He looked around, almost as if he were looking for a set of   
instructions on what to do, and was met by 3 sets of eyes, one blue, one brown, one green.   
All of them, somehow, knew his position, and they urged him to go. He needed no second   
bidding before he walked as quietly into the back room, following at a distance.   
  
At the top of the stairs, he paused, then walked to his old room. It wasn't empty,   
even now, being the guest room if the need arose to have a room for a guest. He walked to   
the bed and sat down. After a little while, he just lay down with his feet over the edge to  
not get the bed dirty. He knew the walls were thin, but he could hear nothing in any of   
the other rooms. Then, as if he were finally determined to do something, he opened the   
door, and walked into the hall. One by one, he checked the rooms, and found no one.   
Finally, at the end of the last one, he found Schuldich leaning on the handle of the   
staircase, his face perfectly serious for once, and pointed to a door in the side of the   
wall. It wasn't a room, and it wasn't a storage closet. It was the stairs to the roof.   
For a moment Ken wondered why they would be up on the roof, but Schuldich, still solemn,   
said quite firmly, "You do want to catch what they're saying, so hurry up."  
  
Again, Ken needed no second bidding. He opened the door quietly, and tapped his way  
up the stairs. He opened the door to the top silently, when a gust of wind almost blew it   
back shut and lock in inside, but he reversed the lock, and held it until the gust stopped.   
He opened the door, peeked around, and almost yelped. Aya and Youji were standing just on   
the other side of the door, leaning on the box-like shape. He quickly turned and went back   
in the door, closed it firmly, then backed down a few steps in the darkness. Putting an ear  
to the wall, he waited.   
  
It was a long time before Youji broke the silence between them, as he usually did.   
His words were soft and pained. Ken could almost imagine the face as he spoke, stony,   
impassive, but a mixture of love and anger inside. It made him feel almost relieved it   
wasn't him.   
  
"So it's over, isn't it?", came the soft voice that Ken loved.  
  
"Aa", came the almost immediate answer from the redhead.  
  
Ken almost sobbed with relief. Maybe, Tamiko's heart sang. Maybe there's a   
chance...maybe he still loves me... But he squashed the thought as he turned his back to   
the wall, his hands against the wood, and he closed his eyes. The relief washed over him,   
but he knew that he could be relieved at home. He stumbled half-blinded down the stairs and  
tumbled out the door. He was steadied by 3 pairs of willing hands, and he looked up to see  
Schwartz, minus Farfello. He gave a weak smile, murmured something about leaving early   
before Youji did, and practically fell down the stairs in his haste to get back to his   
apartment. Vaguely he could feel 3 pairs of different colored eyes watching him with a hint  
of amusement, but he didn't care. He burst through the crowds, muttering apologies left   
and right, but he didn't care for the moment. All he could feel was Tamiko, crowing "I   
still have a chance!" at the top of her lungs. He crashed into his bed once he was in his   
apartment, and whether it was the bed or the couch he didn't care. Exhausted but riding at   
the top of the world, he began to yell at the top of his lungs the words Tamiko couldn't   
say, and was rewarded by the lasting echo around the house.  
  
"I have a chance!"  
  
* * *  
  
He watched out of the window again, the smoke in his face, making a hazy screen to   
the window. It was raining, no, pouring. Night had fallen a long time ago, but he didn't   
care. His gaze searched and scoured the street below, watching, but nothing came. A soft,   
almost inaudible sob of regret and pain crumpled what was left of his composture. He was   
also thinking, but though it was partly on his roommate, concerned, but mostly on what had   
been what he thought the evening would be like, versus what actually happened.  
  
He had had a date. Not just any date, but a date with a girl he had been dating for  
over a year. The most fascinating girl he had ever met, a girl who didn't giggle, who   
didn't gawk at him, who showed hidden defiance in her eyes, somewhat familiar, but the most   
strange and exciting he had ever seen. She was practically his, but somehow, he had known   
that it wouldn't last. But while it did last, he wanted to enjoy, at the very least. But   
she hadn't come that evening. Whether she planned it, or even bothered calling him after   
this was her own choice. He wouldn't push it. She had her life, and this was not the first  
time he had been dumped. But I gave my heart and soul into this, his mind protested.   
  
He didn't move from the seat. Not until Ken came back. Then he would stop his   
sobbing, look up, smile, and ask how the mission went. The brunette had been paired up with  
Ran for the mission, which he could tell Ken was uncomfortable with. No one would be   
comfortable with a comrade who just left in the middle of nothing and suddenly appeared   
again. He couldn't blame Ken for that. But Ran...he had his reasons, as he realized as   
they had stood, unspeaking towards each other on the roof of the Koneko No Sume Ie. No, Ran  
had his reasons. He wouldn't push that issue either. It had nothing to do with Aya-chan,   
he was sure. Aya-chan had been safe the whole time, as he had made sure, and he had been   
more than willing to do such a favor for Ran, trying to hold onto the hope that Ran might   
still love him. But the feeling slipped from his fingers, and he fell out of love. Ran had  
been gone too long. He had started dating Tamiko, and found that Tamiko fit him more than   
any Aya/Ran ever would. He had sensed the hesitation in Ran's voice, the quaver in his   
voice as he said the confirming "Aa" that answered his statement with finalty. He couldn't   
do anything now. He knew that the decision would hurt both Ran and him, but he realized it   
was for the best. There was nothing else to be done. Love was over, time to close the   
book, no second glances.  
  
A muffled thump crashed against the door behind him for a moment, but he didn't need  
any time before wire was coiled loosely in his hand, the end in his right hand, ready to   
fling it. Another thump came, harder at the door this time, but he didn't release it; it   
could be Ken, being beaten up. He would wait for the door to slam over. The 3rd thump   
brought the door off its hinges and slamming against the carpet, and a dripping Aya -no, Ran  
-walked in, a sodden bundle that matched his red hair plastered to his head in his arms.   
The wire was gone in an instant, and he went forward and helped the bundle in his old   
comrade's arms into the couch. All animosity was forgotten for a moment as they arranged   
the bundle, now identifiable as a body, into a good position on the couch. Long brown hair   
prevented him from seeing the face, but he could tell it was a girl. Ran glanced at him for   
a moment, and he returned the look, and then the silence was back between them. The redhead  
parted the hair, and wiped the face of makeup with a wet sleeve. Then he stepped back, not  
saying anything and letting his former comrade register who it was.  
  
"Tamiko!"  
  
Grimly, he shot another glance from the blonde back to the brunette at the couch,   
then lifted the wig from the head carefully. Shock registered on the blonde's face for a   
moment, and he realized just WHY Tamiko seemed so familiar. He stepped back, and the   
redhead laid a heavy hand on his shoulder, understanding every emotion that raced behind the  
disbelieving green eyes. For a moment, he almost pitied and admired Youji for his   
steadfast-ness, the ability to stand on his 2 feet in such a crisis.  
  
"No, Youji", he said after a moment. "Not Tamiko. Ken."  
  
Youji could only stare in shock at the sodden, limp figure of the couch, and wonder   
what other secrets Ken hid from the rest of the world.  
  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \   
  
Author's note:  
  
Finally done! I love this chapter...it seems my inspiration has come back. Keeps   
you thinking, I think...I'm tired from all the graduating festivities at school, so I'm dead  
tired. Still, I find time for this, because summer is here, and school's out. I'll write   
more later. I'm already planning the next part of this multi-series, featuring a new   
character that I haven't thought a name of yet. Any ideas, anyone?  
  
Andrea Weiling  
  



	4. Leave It All Behind

Ch.4: Leave It All Behind  
  
For the first time in his life, he woke to blessed silence. Not to the annoying   
clash of the alarm clock, not to Omi pounding the door, not to birds chirping outside of the  
window, just to wonderful, silent silence, no sound at all, except for his own rhythmic   
breathing. He sank back with renewed exhaustion from the last night's mission, closing his   
eyes. On impulse, he reached out his right hand to grasp the alarm clock, and found he   
couldn't move his hand. He sat up, and realized that something was very, very wrong.  
  
He had been sleeping in Youji's apartment. It had been 2 floors lower than his, but  
that wasn't the shock. As his eyes flickered in horror at the softly breathing figure with  
his hand on top of his, he balked, and looked down. He gasped in surprise and horror as he  
realized he was still clad in his girl clothes, the clothes he had worn to the mission that  
night. Since he was in Youji's bed, he could only guess that Aya/Ran had picked him up.   
But there was now the larger current problem. There was now no doubt that Youji recognized   
him now, without his wig and without makeup. He had gone against his own principles, the   
"Liar Rule", as Youji had once called it, a long time ago. He hated liars of any kind,   
always tried to be honest, but he had lied. Horribly. And now, he could only await Youji's  
decision, which he had no doubt would be rejection. He turned away, tears against his   
eyes. The weight on his hand did not leave as he heard the voice he hated, loved, feared   
all rolled up into one speak, the waves crashing over him, returning him to reality.  
  
"You're awake, aye?", the flippitant tone was fake, as far as Ken could tell. Too   
fake. It wasn't real, and even though he didn't want to look at Youji, he did, and his told  
the blonde that he wasn't buying it. The smile and tone dropped immediately, and Youji's   
eyes took on a desperate look. Ken broke eye contact at this, and stared at the blankets as  
if fascinated with the knitting. But he held back the tears, held back the pain that he   
knew would come, the pain that was unevietable, unavoidable. And he couldn't hide it either  
as tears clouded his sight and one sparkle shimmered before making a pinpoint dark spot in   
front of him. He stared at the blanket with renewed fascination, and now he knew Youji had   
his answer. He accepted all terms of agreement even before they had been spoken, but he   
didn't regret it. It was all for the best, as he had once told himself. And now was the   
same.  
  
Youji's voice trembled as he spoke, wavering, so unlike his regularly kept   
composture. His voice barely a whisper, coming out in a little half-gasp, half-sob, and   
Ken's eyes burned with anticipation at the stinging words that would follow. He knew that   
would come, and now it had. He didn't speak, for he could already predict what words would   
be said. He didn't need Crawford's oracle skills to know it.  
  
"Why?" came the voice, barely a whisper.  
  
Another tear splashed its way down into the blanket, but no others fell. He daren't  
let any more fall. Just stayed there, welled up in his eyes, refusing to fall. Just like   
his love. But that had already dropped. He waited for the slap, the denial, anything but   
the silence. But what had been his hope had vanished, and he was left with nothing.  
  
He was waiting for the slap that never came. Instead arms circled him, and he   
dumbly let himself be hugged, until after a moment, he broke down onto Youji's shoulder.   
Grief poured out of him, and he just sobbed, and squeezed countless tears out of his eyes in  
his relief, and for a moment, there was only him and Youji there, no bed, no room, no   
apartment, no world and no floor and no sky. There was only him and his tears and HIM, the   
blonde that had won his heart, despite everything. HE still loved him, after dressing up as  
a girl and deceiving him. No, he was a liar, but in a way, it was a good lie. And he   
still loved him. That was all that mattered.  
  
Youji laid his head on top of Ken's and kissed the unruly mop of chestnut locks.   
And there was nothing to say. Words weren't needed then because they were never needed at   
all.  
  
* * *   
  
He watched, from the door, secretly. His heart lightened when he saw Youji lower   
his head on the other's head, and then he found he couldn't watch anymore. It had become   
painful, now. He leaned on the wall slightly, pushed his red hair out of his strange violet  
eyes, and walked down the wall. He left it behind, a slack line, a failed attempt at love.  
It was behind him. Broken. Gone. And he would leave it just there, behind. He wouldn't  
look back.  
  
Not, he said to himself. You'll never let go of that love.  
  
He walked down the hall.  
  
* * *  
  
He listened as boots tried to be silent in the hall outside. He crossed his hand   
over his heart for a brief moment, a homage the love-that-was. I swear, he thought   
silently, I'll make it up to you somehow. But for now...thank you is all I can say. I   
hope it's enough.  
  
And he turned to his future in the form a sleeping brunette.  
  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \   
  
Author's note:  
  
Done. Finally. The whole thing...thing is, this isn't the end of the multiseries.   
I still have 2 more to go. The original character will just have some mundane name. I   
don't care. Anyways, I'll shut up now...as for the people confused with the timing on this,  
a year has passed. That's just about it. The timing doesn't really matter, just the "I'm-  
in-love" thing counts. The timing doesn't count, so don't dwell on it if you don't   
understand it.  
  
Andrea Weiling 


End file.
